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Yes, he died.. and I wasn't suprised

Journal Entry: Tue Aug 12, 2014, 7:26 PM

It was last night. I was sitting with my boss and two co-workers at a restaurant in Ybor City when one of them said "Did you hear that Robin Williams died?  I heard it was suicide."

My response:  "I'm not really surprised."

I wasn't.  They were a bit taken aback by that.

To me, it was obvious. 

If you've suffered from depression for any significant length of time in your life, you can see it in others.  No matter how shiny and wonderful their outward appearance is, there are still signs of the sinkhole that once opened up under their lives.  You can fill the hole and prop everything back up, but rarely is everything put back to the exact level that it was before. 

And, you never forget that your mind once betrayed you.

When you finally come to the realization that your brain, the one organ in your body runs you, defines you, and dictates what you are, just can't seem to make you want to enjoy the life it regulates (or makes you want to end the life it regulates), it is a betrayal you can't walk away from.

And, once you hopefully recover, you realize that so many other things in life that people get wound up about really aren't that important.  You realize that living life to the point of enjoyment is a greater gift than anything else that you can achieve.

BUT- you have to accept the betrayal, acknowledge the illness and realize that it's life-long.  The pills and therapy are not a cure.  They are a therapy for your condition.

Robin Williams shiny, brilliant exterior belied the problems that he had.  He freely admitted them, but we mostly ignored them:  alcohol abuse, cocaine abused, marital/relationship problems... all signs of a problem that's not being treated as it should.

I'm sure that the rumored financial issues contributed to his choice.  But, he certainly could have pulled himself out of that with some acting jobs and some real estate sales.  Other stars have done it, and he could have as well.

This is not written to disrespect Robin Williams.  He was brilliant and funny, and he will continue to be so for a very, very long time.

He was facing a horrible monster that I have also faced, and it's not a pretty fight.   And maybe Robin had a longer way to fall if he lost than I did.

Robin, rest in peace.   We understand, and you haven't lost our respect.

Pick the phrase below that best matches your perspective / your thoughts / your outlook. Then, psychoanalyze yourself. :) 

3 deviants said I wonder if ducks see us as living, breathing beings, or if they just see us as mobile bread distribution units.
2 deviants said I hate swords... all that swash-buckling, ninja, knights of round table crap.. give me a gun any day...
2 deviants said I'm going to enjoy doing nothing tomorrow
1 deviant said I miss the 1990's. Things were so much better...
1 deviant said What happened to Björk? Is she still alive?
1 deviant said I lost my glasses again. No, wait... oh... FOUND 'EM!!!
1 deviant said I'm going to change the world tomorrow.
1 deviant said I don't remember what I had for breakfast
No deviants said I just cleaned the damn floor, and then you go and spill soda on it!!!
No deviants said I'm sooo going to pull up this nasty carpeting and put down laminate wood flooring. And I'm going to do it myself!


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E. Smile
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
Hobbyist writer, hoping to publish someday


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Leah084 Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2014
Really, really enjoy your writings...
enigmaticsmile Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks so much!!!   And thanks for all the faves!!
OmnomnomSquirl Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
So i finally remembered to watch you on my main account - this is a literature account after all :P

Also, loving your webcam. 
enigmaticsmile Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I LOVE that webcam...
MarcoEmma Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Haha! I love your webcam! :XD:

Thank you for joining LiteratureCrazy! :)
enigmaticsmile Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
MarcoEmma Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! :hug:
ricken4003 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014
I have been laughing about your webcam for the last twenty minutes. :iconthanksplz:
enigmaticsmile Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!  I had the same reaction the first time I saw it!
CakeofDemise Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
So have I! XD
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