Brief summary, this was definitely very original overall, the words were unique as was the theme, although I wish you would've expounded more upon the feelings going on here, the whole setting seemed rather distant and unemotionally attached and emotions are how I relate to things, but it is different for every person so another person may think this poem has more of an impact than it did to me. This poem really made me think, although some people may have a hard time getting it
In the beginning stanza i was confused as to what was happening .. and a lot of this poem was very vague... And now I see the power the vagueness does to this poem it really makes you think so you display excellent technique. The poem is very raw simple, and at the same time complex, brilliant!
Wonderful image! Gripping poem. LOVE it! It's funny (odd), but I pictured her as an "it"-- rather than an opportunity-- when I got to the end. I realize you probably meant both, or maybe just opportunity. She sounds like an "it." A vampire, maybe? Or a demon? Tightly written. Fewer words with more power, always good.
Liquid, ish, but not nearly as much as a verb that would convey all that liquidity via motion.
Sultry is the strongest of the three. But it isn't particularly new, as the previous stanza touches on sultry in a delightfully visceral way that overshadows mere "sultry."
The stuff that comes after in that same stanza is weaker still (well maybe not weaker than powerful) in my mind. "Motion"? Are we talking seasickness-inducing or rocking a baby to sleep? Vibrations or a sheer drop? Just a blur? Etc.
I realize that your title is what it is, but titles describe & I want a poem to take me somewhere. Verbs make it happen (good ones). Adjectives don't, and nouns need a verb to do it.
Give me verbs! Don't tell me powerful, make me feel it.
I think it's really interesting how you've taken a common situation and turned it into a piece of poetry like this. It took me a moment to realize what was going on because the words seem so unusually poignant for that situation - but I think it's a good thing, it's an interesting perspective and it makes me wonder what kind of person the narrator is (they seem to have better taste than most people in their situation).
That's always a commendable thing, and I like the way you've chosen to portray it because like I said, it's unexpected.
And you have extraordinarily good taste in birth months and favorite colors. February is my favorite month and blue is my favorite color, but I took the name from a song called March the Mad Scientist: "April is summer-bound, and February's blue, but no-one stops to see the colors."